Down in the Dumps.

It has been exactly a week since I have blogged. I apologize.

 

I have been going through a funk this week that only mother nature could explain. I am really starting to question myself and the way I have been acting. I don't know if it's stress, exhaustion, or fear of starting a new chapter in my life but I have been so down lately. I've always thought of myself as a strong, positive person, but lately I have been the exact opposite. Every day this week I have cried about something, and I have let the smallest things tear me apart. I hate being this negative, I hate feeling this way when I know how lucky I am, so why can't I control it? I feel like this is in large part of why I haven't blogging. I don't want to be this way and I don't want people to know I have been this way, but after watching the movie 'Precious' last night, Precious was forced to write when she was feeling hateful and discouraged, so I decided to try that too. By the way Precious was NOT a good movie to watch when I'm feeling this way. It was a very sad and disturbing movie. The only good thing I guess was by watching it I could see how lucky I really am.

 

So I know my mom for sure is reading this and probably getting extremely worried about me right now so here are a couple of reasons I feel this way, maybe I can get some motivational thoughts to help me through it?? Hint Hint- HELP A GIRL OUT!

 

1. It's that time of the month- no words needed, no excuse (we all deal with it), im just guessing this is why everything is magnified
2. Mother Nature's bipolar personality is rubbing off on me (SUN, rain, SNOW?, rain, SUN-but still cold) wtf? can someone get the woman some Prozac?!?!? 
3. School is non-stop right now, from the minute I wake up until I fall asleep with my books, my life is consumed by school work
4. GROUP PROJECTS- ugh! my enemy... some may find it as a concept of less work, not me.. not ever. I don't trust any ol schmuk with my grade, so I take too many responsibilites upon myself until I go crazy, like this.
5. Auna Trouble- We confronted Auna this past week about her smoking, her late bills (STILL HAPPENING), her disgustingness (I clean up her messes every day- I know mom, "Ohhhh hows it feeeeel" NOT NOW lol) ... and our newest problem: One of Auna's friends has been caught stealing our stuff, really petty stuff but still) Anyway, Auna didn't even flinch when we told her all of this.
6. The Enclave Management- Since Auna didn't care we went to the Enclave manager, Rose, who after we told her everything she answered with, "well maybe you should try reasoning with her, we are all girls and we are all different, if she doesn't get better than I will talk to her." REALLY? You call yourself a manager- Don't think I haven't started drafting a huge letter to her boss. I am at a loss of what to do about this.
7. Internship- I can't write for them. I have been nothing but discouraged the entire time I have worked for them, honestly, I don't even find myself as a good writer anymore. I know this is only one person's opinion, but it's really hard for me to understand what they want, or in that case why they want what they want.
8. New Job- In all honesty, I don't think I am going to like it. I secretly hate talking on the phone and that is what it's all about. If I was doing face to face sales, I would be all for it... but I don't know how persuasive I can be on the phone. It makes me nervous. But money is money, and I don't have a choice right now.
9. Friends- Cassie leaves for California tomorrow and she leaves as not only not my best friend anymore, but hardly a friend at all. Despite the tough show I put on that I don't care, it has been breaking my heart.
10. Money, are you really surprised? ... I won't even explain.

So, I will stop there to save you and me both from going into deep depression. I am completely aware of how petty and selfish the majority of these are. I woke up this morning feeling motivated to change my attitude. I have it good and I realize that. I have been offered many opportunites already after college, I have a loving family, boyfriend, boyfriend's family, and Katie (lol). I have all the support I need to get out of this funk, and I know I will.